By The ½ Grinch and ½ Grinch
Originally published in the printed Aslag, Christmas issue, AY 2004-2005
Whoa!? Due to insistent academic demand, I barely noticed that Christmas season is just around the corner. The cold hanging amihan sends a comfortable chill through my bespectacled face. As I took my leisurely walk around the campus, I felt the warm aura emanating from the lovers making heat on the Sunken Garden. Then the cold Christmas wind blew again, but I was weak and I shivered. Suddenly, I wished that there was someone here with me. The thought that I would be alone again for the 19th Christmas of my life, screamed at my face. What a loser! I can't help but feel stupid. I was alone for the past 18 years, why can't I extend the streak to 19 straight years? I gathered my thoughts. I tried to summon my rationality to fool again myself. Half-baked enlightenment began its glorious parade around my brain and I once again return to equilibrium. There are many ways to get this mushy season over with. I said to myself, keep yourself busy, don't let yourself think that you are alone. Find another synonym that would euphemistically uplift your spirit! Aha! I got one. How about calling myself unattached? Hmm, it’s too stupid. Single would be more appropriate. Step 1 is complete!
Debating class would always tell me that there are only 2 sides for each debate. To execute a multi-lateral kind would be too complicated and often ends up with unclear conclusion. Putting the concept of being ‘single’ in the Yuletide milieu would create two opposing views. One is being a sordid asshole feeling sorry for yourself that you have no one to specially spend this season of sharing with. And the other is just being cool about it. If you fall to the second category, you have no problem to worry about. But I, falling in the first category would need to clarify few things with myself.
To single out the main dilemma of feeling lonely being single, we can identify that the problem is only in one’s mind. If I keep thinking about things that I wish were there, then there would be no productive output at all. Ah! Keep myself busy during this Christmas break. I could bury my face with lots of readings or jog till my tongue touch the acad oval’s asphalt. How about playing computer games till I go blind? Hanging out with friends and drink till I drown is also a game plan. Exhausting myself with porno materials is an obvious option. Finally, I could be a turncoat to my current religion and shift to atheism, Islam or Buddhism. If I can't really turn away then, I would be a seasonal follower of an alternate religion every Christmas time. Then there would be no Christmas to worry about! Have I gone mad? Maybe.
Don’t be a tonto, enough of this pathetic crap. Why can't I think of better alternatives? Perhaps the insanity of being alone and single have already got me. Fight it off moron! You still have your family, you have your friends and still you have God. Why can't you be contented of what you presently have? Having a partner is only one of the factors that fill up your cathartic need for intimacy. There are other people more worthy and in need of your affection. Think about your parents and your family who supported all your economic, intellectual and affection needs. Do them a favor. Spend your Christmas with them and be happy about it. You have lots of friends who endured all your foolishness and triumphs. And most of all, God is up there waiting for his prodigal son to come back to Him. Isn't HE the main attraction of the Christmas celebration?
Now, I was shaken, broken, and freed from my self-made prison of shortsightedness and idiotic ways. Time will come that I wouldn’t be a single soul not only during Christmas but in every single day of the year.
So what is the battle plan for this Yuletide season? Hmm, just spend time with family, friends and keep saying to myself that I am happy. It will work. Trust me. After all, it is only a mind game.
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