Santa Who?
By Cuthzei
Originally published in the Christmas Aslag, AY 2004-2005
When I was a kid, I didn’t believe in Santa Claus. Why? I really don’t know why. I really don’t have a reason until someone asked me to write an article on when I stopped believing in Santa. How can I stop believing in Santa when in fact, I had not believed in him at all. Agh, confusing.
So I thought about it and suddenly, I came up with these corny, weird, sometimes exaggerated pseudo-theories why as a child, I never waited for that big jolly man on Christmas Eve.
Chubby-Challenged Theory
Blame it to my uncles or male relatives for that matter. Nobody seems to be that fat enough to disguise himself as Jolly Old Santa. There was no attempt or whatsoever plan to be the family’s mascot. Thank goodness! They were really careful so as not to disappoint the little children around. Just imagine a malnourished Santa, surely the kids will freak-out.
Practicality Theory (ampao over socks)
Hanging socks on the wall is a fun thing to do but waiting for these to fill up with gifts and candies is another story. Little Ms. Practical decided it’s better to receive ampao (red envelopes) with cash instead.
Creepy-Toys Theory
Maybe it’s a Halloween hangover that I associated elves with the pinoy “dwendes.” (Beware: they may have descended from the same genealogy!) Knowing that Santa’s gifts are elf-made, don’t you think it’s kinda creepy to be playing with these toys? Be careful not to break them for a spell might be cast upon you J.
Survival-of-the-unfit Theory
Christmas is the season of merry-making and food binges. Time to indulge in sinful goodies and gain weight almost naturally. Someone just have to eat and survive you know! So why starve yourself waiting for that “Ho-Ho” man to descend from the skies?
Disappointment Theory
I know that sometime in your kiddie-life, you’ve wished for an almost impossible gift. And as luck would permit it, Santa did not grant you your wish! Then you start asking yourself, “Have I been that bad?!” Believing in Santa Claus can be quite disappointing especially when wishes don’t come true.
Realistic Theory
This follows the Disappointment-Theory because after being sad and disappointed, you’ll realize who the real Santas are-- your parents! Of course by this time you should have known that they’re the ones who had been faithfully granting your whims and wishes. Now is the opportune time to thank them for all the love and gifts they’ve showered you.
Animal-Lover Theory
I have so much concern with animal welfare that abusing them is a big no-no for me. Why, look at poor Rudolph! Santa continued delivering his gifts with Rudolph leading the pack despite Rudolph’s colds. Santa should be ashamed! Pitiful Rudolph!
Family-Values Theory
I don’t want a broken family! Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. But as a child, who would want to see their mom being kissed by Santa Claus? For goodness sake! I can never imagine myself moving out to the North Pole.
Myself-as-a-Santa Theory
Now, this is a serious one. I just love giving away gifts. Wrapping gifts and giving them to special people is such a heart-warming experience. Maybe this is a good reason why I don’t believe in Santa because I want to be Santa myself.
No-Chimney Theory
This is my favorite reason (excuse) why I don’t believe in Santa. Santa can never visit me during Christmas Eve simply because our home has no chimney or a fireplace! So why bother?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Originally published in the Christmas Aslag, AY 2004-2005
When I was a kid, I didn’t believe in Santa Claus. Why? I really don’t know why. I really don’t have a reason until someone asked me to write an article on when I stopped believing in Santa. How can I stop believing in Santa when in fact, I had not believed in him at all. Agh, confusing.
So I thought about it and suddenly, I came up with these corny, weird, sometimes exaggerated pseudo-theories why as a child, I never waited for that big jolly man on Christmas Eve.
Chubby-Challenged Theory
Blame it to my uncles or male relatives for that matter. Nobody seems to be that fat enough to disguise himself as Jolly Old Santa. There was no attempt or whatsoever plan to be the family’s mascot. Thank goodness! They were really careful so as not to disappoint the little children around. Just imagine a malnourished Santa, surely the kids will freak-out.
Practicality Theory (ampao over socks)
Hanging socks on the wall is a fun thing to do but waiting for these to fill up with gifts and candies is another story. Little Ms. Practical decided it’s better to receive ampao (red envelopes) with cash instead.
Creepy-Toys Theory
Maybe it’s a Halloween hangover that I associated elves with the pinoy “dwendes.” (Beware: they may have descended from the same genealogy!) Knowing that Santa’s gifts are elf-made, don’t you think it’s kinda creepy to be playing with these toys? Be careful not to break them for a spell might be cast upon you J.
Survival-of-the-unfit Theory
Christmas is the season of merry-making and food binges. Time to indulge in sinful goodies and gain weight almost naturally. Someone just have to eat and survive you know! So why starve yourself waiting for that “Ho-Ho” man to descend from the skies?
Disappointment Theory
I know that sometime in your kiddie-life, you’ve wished for an almost impossible gift. And as luck would permit it, Santa did not grant you your wish! Then you start asking yourself, “Have I been that bad?!” Believing in Santa Claus can be quite disappointing especially when wishes don’t come true.
Realistic Theory
This follows the Disappointment-Theory because after being sad and disappointed, you’ll realize who the real Santas are-- your parents! Of course by this time you should have known that they’re the ones who had been faithfully granting your whims and wishes. Now is the opportune time to thank them for all the love and gifts they’ve showered you.
Animal-Lover Theory
I have so much concern with animal welfare that abusing them is a big no-no for me. Why, look at poor Rudolph! Santa continued delivering his gifts with Rudolph leading the pack despite Rudolph’s colds. Santa should be ashamed! Pitiful Rudolph!
Family-Values Theory
I don’t want a broken family! Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. But as a child, who would want to see their mom being kissed by Santa Claus? For goodness sake! I can never imagine myself moving out to the North Pole.
Myself-as-a-Santa Theory
Now, this is a serious one. I just love giving away gifts. Wrapping gifts and giving them to special people is such a heart-warming experience. Maybe this is a good reason why I don’t believe in Santa because I want to be Santa myself.
No-Chimney Theory
This is my favorite reason (excuse) why I don’t believe in Santa. Santa can never visit me during Christmas Eve simply because our home has no chimney or a fireplace! So why bother?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
|