Hindi Ko Alam Kung Ano Ang Itatawag Dito

As far as I can remember, I’ve only fainted twice.

The first time happened when I was in fourth year high school and it was our class retreat in the Benedictine Spiritual Something in Tagaytay. The facilitating priest (a grumpy old man who called my class plastics) had the class watch a video of the normal delivery of a child so we could understand what our mothers went through to have us. (Although later I drowned myself in denial saying that my mom gave birth to me through C-section so I need not feel guilty.)

I can’t even find the words to describe what I saw. But I clearly remember freezing in shock as I watched the baby’s big, round head tear apart the pink flesh that was the mother’s vagina. There was an awful lot of blood spurting everywhere. I felt my head spin and my tummy curl, and the next thing I knew I was losing a fighting battle to keep the beef and broccoli I ate for lunch inside my stomach. I raced to the bathroom and threw up on the sink. I didn’t even have the strength to rinse my mouth – my legs felt like jelly and they gave out sooner than I wanted them to. I fell on the floor, slumping against the cold, tiled wall. I closed my eyes and blacked out.

The second time was during my induction to the family I gave my blood and sweat and tears to, the UP Aguman. As we all know, before you can officially become a member of the org, you have to… well, shed blood for it. The members didn’t really talk about how exactly the rites were going to take place, but we pretty much got the idea when we were told that we were going to need a few things that were used in medical (or criminal. ^_^) rather than domestic purposes.

I remember being brought to some corner of the Vinzons’ rooftop. They made me sit down and recite the org’s creed while they held my arm. “Sige, Nic, saglit lang to. Ituloy mo lang yung creed,” a member, (Ate Daph, I think) said. For the first time, it dawned on me that I didn’t know what was going to happen next, and it frightened me. Too overwhelmed to think straight, I did what I was told.

“…I have faith in man and mankind I will serve… I cherish kinship and kinship will be my way of life…” I recited faithfully, my heart strangely beating faster and faster with each word. Soon, I felt a sudden sting that was as inexplicable as the trickling sensation that followed it. I wanted to ask them what was happening, but I couldn’t find my voice. I suddenly felt lightheaded. I tried to move but soon realized that I couldn’t feel my body anymore. Now at this point I was scared shit.

A member told me to recite the creed louder. Hanging on to whatever was left of my sanity, I forced out the words but choked on each of them. “I… believe in…truth…and in…truth I will…walk…this earth…” I struggled to say. I was gasping, although I didn’t know if it was for the words or for air.

Finally, I heard the magic words: “Nic, okay na.” At that point, there was no longer any reason to hang on to sanity, so I let myself plummet head-first into the dark abyss.

So why am I recounting these experiences again? Funny, but whenever I think of my Econ 106 and 131, I think I’m starting to faint again.

***

It’s been lightyears since I last read a chapter summary or watched an episode of Naruto.

The manga/anime by Masashi Kishimoto shot to fame a few years back as a simple story of a complex individual who wanted to prove to his hometown that he was worth something. The curious credibility of the surreal plot and the dynamism of the characters drew me to the story and within days, I was a fan. I guess I got really hooked because I followed the story even though I disliked the main characters (Naruto’s life is cliché, Sasuke is conceitedly emo, Sakura is too Mary-Sue) and I rarely saw my favorite characters (among them Ino and Kabuto – the earlier reminds me so much of myself and the latter represents everything I want to be).

Expectedly, as more chapters came out, the story got more complicated. At first I found it thrilling, but after months and months of new subplots emerging, new characters being created and old characters getting killed, it just got too much for me. It didn’t help that Nara Animations dished out manga-unrelated arcs like A Feps Pablo in the English royal kitchen, in the attempt to buy more time for Kishimoto whilst he pondered which character’s neck he should break next.

Now I respect those who think that Kishimoto is doing a spectacular job (it’s a matter of preference, after all), but personally I’ve reached the point where I don’t care about the damn thing anymore. If Kabuto gets some airtime or Itachi turns out to be alive maybe I’d get interested again, but until then let’s just watch TMZ.

And sadly I realize that my enthusiasm for Naruto is just like almost every endeavor I’ve taken. It starts so sweet but ends up with a bad taste in the mouth. Let’s pray that my college life will be an exception.

***

My family says I’m the queen of negativity. All I see are faults, all I see are mistakes, all I see are things to complain about. My friends say that too. They hate how I’m a pessimist under the pretense of being realistic. They hate how I say that I’ll fail an exam even though I did okay. They hate how I consider relationships based on what would happen if things don’t work out.

I guess it’s true, one point or another. But hey, here’s something I’m not negative about. I truly, sincerely, fervently hope that this would be a good year for the org and for its members. So to you, my brothers and sisters in blood, sweat, tears and candlewax, with all the positivism in the world, I look forward to spending a productive and meaningful school year with you. I wish us all not just the best of luck, but more importantly, the best of ourselves. See you soon, AguPIPS!