The Resolution of the Emo

For the first few days of our Sociology class, we discussed the relation of the self to the social interlinked with the essence of the “subject” to the ever-changing society and language (nosebleed!). I got many good points from my teacher. She always talked about self infliction, types of suicide, social class, social order, and many aspects in Sociology that may build up oneself. I learned what really makes us exist: our mind and experience.

Most of my friends who know me find me as an emotional guy – the one who always has the breakdown complex. But I guess I found the reason that would explain why I get too emotional on certain situations.

First thing first, what’s in my mind? Explaining far from being philosophical, removing the external world from my being, one would see me as beggar of love. My looking-glass self depicts a person who is incapable of living alone: fewer relationships from the social. Even if I live a fairly independent life in UP, I tend to grasp opportunities to gain relationships from selected newly found friends – but now I find this VERY VERY STUPID.

Next is the experience. I may ask this question: What does my environment dictate me to become? This is more of Goffman’s concept, Dramaturgy, which says that my life is like a theatre. When I am at the stage, I follow the script that the production gave me. I show what they expect me to be. When people around me have the conception of me being maarte, more likely, I'll be maarte. In short, I have constraints that mold be to the person I am now.

Combining both aspects gives birth to what people know about me. However, I don’t like what people see in me.

“So what should I do?” I asked myself.

From March to April, I have been feeling the change of character in me. Still, I am the joke-all person, porn-loving guy, and extrovert-to-ADHT patient. On the other hand, I feel something that changed my perspective to life. Maybe this is biological, but who cares with the reason?

I imply here what my teacher told me about Society and Power, which my classmate expounded. He gave us an example. Here’s how it goes: “Imagine yourself as a revolver and the different attributes of you as the bullets. Usually, when bullets are shot, the revolver turns in a normal consecutive way. But having a POWER OVER ONESELF AND THE SOCIETY, you, as the revolver can freely revolve, allowing you to choose which bullet to set. Now the society is the trigger that will make your bullet ready to fire. (Lindol De Castro).” Amazing huh?

With what my classmate said, I now can weigh which side of myself I’m going to be in different situations. For me, it’s just nice that there are other options arising than being wild and emotional that come up to my mind whenever self-infliction is about to come…and it’s now easy to decide what bullet I’m going to shoot.

Hopefully, this entry won’t follow what I wrote before: Benignity is the twin brother of Malignity. Nonetheless, I have all my bullets, and I now have to power which to fire.