By Mike Gulapa
Dragging my way out of bed on a Saturday morning wasn’t easy. But that day, I was forced to do so. It was the first day of my school’s first time in joining Aguman’s Sining. Excited? No! I was displeased rather than being hyped for this competition. Come on! It was scheduled on a weekend, which was my favorite part of the week! How could I be grateful? Moreover, this competition unlike the other ones I joined before didn’t exempt me from class. Sayang! Rather, it consumed my supposedly blissful Saturday just so I could relive like Baltazar for a day and write poetry. Nice. Just nice.
Since I had no choice, I just comforted myself with 5 reasons. First, allowance on a weekend was great, which will be unspent because the school will be shouldering all the expenses. Second, I’ll see my friends and we could hang out after. Third, I’ll be having a ‘Certificate of Participation’ and an ambassador of goodwill recognition which I could add up on my collections. Fourth, I’m doing my school a favor. Lastly, this will be counted on the extra curricular points which would push me closer to becoming the batch’s valedictorian.
But still, these motivations didn’t overshadow my 2nd place syndrome. Wondering what the hell was this syndrome? Actually I just coined this term, I don’t know if it really exists but I think for me it did. Why? To be honest I never actually won in any inter-school competition. I don’t know why but every time I was so near in bagging the elusive First Place; I always end up being the 1st runner up. It was like in a beauty pageant where only two ladies are left, holding hands waiting for the announcement of the runner-up, and then winner. In my situation, I was always the one who gets called next. But if I’m to consider 2nd place as winning, then I could say that I haven't won a lot, really.
These frustrations made me feel a little unenthusiastic in every competition and in different endeavors. I had this nagging feeling that I was never going to be the best at anything at all. Exaggerated as it may sound, but it was these insecurities that always dispirit me. So as I ascended the steps to the threshold of the event, my light head and heavy heart seemed to weigh me down.
The gun was fired, the competition has begun. One by one, the different events were held and I still wasn’t able to match the zeal exemplified by my colleagues. Even more, witnessing my classmate kicked some asses on the Impromptu Speech competition kind of frightened me, ako lang ata ang di nag-prepare. So I just read some poetry from a book I brought while waiting for my turn, so I could at least say that I had preparations for the event in case the hosts would ask, hoping that it would add up fire to my dying flame of confidence. I even took note of some words that might be of good use, but I never thought that these words would save my life minutes later. And then the moment came — the 3-hour Filipino Poetry Writing competition has begun.
The theme was “Sining bilang salamin ng katotohanan”. Oh my God! What was that supposed to mean? I wasn’t even sure of what my definition of sining was and what exactly is katotohanan! And at that specific moment, I pressed my panic button deep inside, because I was asked on-the-spot to write and express my thoughts, in a poem even, on two very ambiguous words — art and truth.
The clock started ticking and my seatmates fired off with their pens as they started scribbling stanzas. It was as if they all had brightly lit light bulbs over their heads. I was practically blinded by them! Damn! They obviously are already on their trail of thoughts while I was still busy squeezing my brain for some creative wisdom.
Only minutes had passed and to my surprise, someone was already done. Wow! Halimaw yun! I suddenly felt the pressure and it became so intense! So I resorted to my survival instinct and wrote something from my own understanding and interpretation. I had no choice so I used the words I memorized because it seems like they were the only ones juggling in my head. An hour has passed and almost half of the contestants were done. “I’m gonna lose again”, I thought to myself. Two hours and fifty minutes after, the last contestant on the table — which by the way was me — finally finished and handed over his piece. At last, the agony was put to an end.
It was over. I didn’t come the day after for the Awarding Ceremonies and I had no plans of coming anyway for I already had a bleak prognosis of a certain defeat. For me, the competition was over even before I ‘held hands with the soon to be proclaimed winner’.
But life can be pretty surprising. At the time when the Awarding Ceremonies were being held at SM City Pampanga, a text message was sent to me with the words “Man, ang galing mo!”
What?! Was that sarcastic? Did I make it to the 2nd Place yet again? My heartbeat raced as my phone went crazy and started beeping, receiving messages from my coach, friends, and colleagues. Everyone’s congratulating me! I can’t believe it at first, until it was confirmed, that apparently, I won! Yahoo!
That was my first and last 1st Place win in an inter-school competition and the medal awarded to me was the biggest I ever had. That triumph put an end to my era of drama of not being the best. The feeling of being able to outwit all the delegates from schools all over Pampanga was just priceless. Finally, I was able to taste something that before I only had a glimpse of — I was a champion at last! I even remember one of my colleagues saying “Baka next year niyan isa ka na sa mga organizers nito”. I didn’t entertain the idea, not knowing that her words would amazingly flesh out months after.
The champion feeling didn’t last long because a month after Sining, I graduated as my batch’s Salutatorian. What can I say? Is it really my fault or is it just fate that always places me second? I couldn’t help but think and be bitter about it. Until, I went to college.
UP made me realize a lot of things, one of which is there’s more to life than being obsessed with figures and rankings. In UP, it doesn’t matter whether or not one placed 1st in competitions back in high school. Awards were merely titles but not privileges. There, you cannot brag nor boast about it, because they won’t care more of what you have become. I have realized that I should’ve just enjoyed every competition back in high school and learned rather than worrying myself for possibilities of humiliation and defeat. I should have trusted my capabilities and be confident of my talents. I should have gone to the awarding ceremony and had a picture of the giant gold medal around my neck with my future orgmates. I should have. These should-haves would have been lessened if only I put more faith in myself more than the desire of winning.
Finally, I learned that in this journey I should have always taken steps despite the fear of falling and having bruised knees because in the end, losing and mistakes won’t count. What will matter is the person we turned out to be — not naïve, but a person who is wise and beautifully molded by experiences.
It was then that I have come to appreciate being a 2nd Placer. And it is not a discredit to be one, considering that there was only one better than you but you were better than several others was indeed, already something to be proud of. And in my situation, I must be more proud because not everyone reaches as high as second place with such consistency. Haha! Besides, being second gives room for improvement, reminding us that we can’t always be the best but we can always be better. Enjoy the wonderful Sining experience! You’ll never know that you might be one of us months or years after!
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Mike represented San Lorenzo Ruiz Center of Studies and Schools in Sining 2006. Back in high school, he was the Vice-President in class (1st to 4th year), Peer Counselor’s Club, and the Associate Editor of the school paper — all positions that are SECOND-in-command. Up to this day, he still complains that in his Certificate of Recognition, his second name and surname were erroneously spelled. He became an Aguman member 7 months after.
