The Untold Story of 'Ogwarts
“Do you want me to accompany you, Ron?” asked Mrs. Weasley.
“Geez, Mom,” answered Ron, “I’ve been watching my brothers do it all these years. I can manage.”
“Alright, dear, go on or you’ll be late for the train to Hogwarts.”
“I’m on it!” shouted Ron, as he pushed his cart of baggage into the barrier between platforms nine and ten.
Not long after the boy was gone, Mrs. Weasley went through the barrier as well.
According to the large clock at the arrivals board, it’s five minutes before eleven o’clock. Just then, an airport taxi came rushing to the unloading area with three extraordinary passengers on it.
“Aydana, bilisan yu!” said a plump boy with thick glasses. He’s supposedly only fourteen years old, but his looks will tell you otherwise. He doesn’t have the usual pinkish complexion that most white British teenagers have. He doesn’t even look like a black British chap either. In fact, Purdue Owlsight isn’t from Britain at all – just like his two other companions.
“Ika kaya magdala karening bagahe ne!” snapped Malcolm Moony, a tall, handsome but skinny boy – somewhat the opposite of chubby Purdue. “Jays, bayaran mu ne ing taxi!” commanded Malcolm, as he struggled with three extra-large trunks of baggage, together with the cab driver.
“That’ll be €5. Your trunks are quite heavy, you know,” grumbled the old taxi driver.
“Here, and that includes the tip we promised you. And I’m gonna throw in a Seattle’s Best gift cheque as bonus,” said Jace Scuarebucs (pronounced Jake Squarebucks), as he handed the driver a tenner.
And the cab driver drove away with a huge smile on his face, laughing at how much he was able to earn from his last three passengers, whom he thought were tourists. He couldn’t help but smile about what just happened the past hour – he was in front of the line at the cab terminal when the three emerged from the arrivals gate. The good-looking of the three approached his taxi.
“Excuse me, can you drive us to King’s Cross in fifteen minutes? We need to meet someone and we’ve been running late and if we don’t get there our lives will be doomed. We’ll pay an extra euro of course.”
“Fifteen minutes is too short a time, King’s Cross isn’t that far but with the traffic –“
“Ten euros!” bargained Malcolm.
“Hop in!” said the driver finally.
They were speaking an absurd language full of syllables with k’s and they looked like Asians. And they were laughing boisterously every now and then throughout the journey from the London airport to King’s Cross. The driver hated these kinds of passengers who act as if they own his car. So he planned to increase his usual fare to gain some sort of revenge.
So as he drives away from the train station almost an hour after, the taxi driver just can't help but get excited over the €10 and the coffee gift cheque he has just received for his first trip of the day. He hopes that his string of good (and shrewd) luck will last the whole day. Little did he know that the €10-note and gift cheque he thought he had will return to a P10-bill later that evening when Jace’s charming spell wears off.
“Dana ning driver a ita! Pasalamat ya mamaligwa tamu nung ali, atakman na ing sakit..” complained Malcolm, as he punches his left palm with his right fist and throws imaginary punches into the air.
“Nuco naman," argued Jace, “Banua-banua namu mamirapal tamu eh,” as he prepared to go into the barrier between platform nine and ten.
“Dana makananu kaya, mipatudtud ya pa y Malc,” mused Purdue, ”Asne pamo kasakit gisingan!” he bellowed to Malcolm, as he sprang out on the other side of the barrier. One could see a scarlet steam engine train waiting next to a platform packed with people. A sign overhead said “Hogwarts Express, Eleven O’Clock”. There is a wrought-iron archway where the barrier had been, with the words Platoform Nine and Three-Quarters on it.
Malcolm Moony, Jace Scuarebucs and Purdue Owlsight are all fourth year Ravenclaw students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They’re Filipinos by blood and hail from the province of Pampanga. This explains the strange tongue they use everytime they converse amongst themselves – Kapampangan. They are the only Kapampangan students in Hogwarts. In fact, they’re the only students who grew up in the Philippines. They were able to get a letter from Hogwarts because their fathers are wizards and are from Great Britain. Their fathers are the best of friends. They met their Filipina mothers (also the best of friends, coincidentally) when Purdue and Jace’s fathers accompanied Malcolm’s dad in the Philippines on an official Ministry of Magic business.
Smoke from the engine drifted over the heads of the chattering crowd, while cats of every color wound here and there between their legs. Owls hooted to one another in a disgruntled sort of way over the babble and the scraping of heavy trunks. The first few carriages were already packed with students, some hanging out of the window to talk to their families, some fighting over seats.
“Sorry naman, eh sa mepuyat ku nabengi eh,” claimed Malcolm, as they all pushed their carts of baggage down the platform into the train.
“Ushuuu. Ninu-ninu casi ca-text mu nabengi eh!” teased Jace, “Ica talaga, mahilig cang pepesus! Tas memaninum caiu pang Purds.” Ü
“Ay dana syempre, sayang no man deng binakal kung Red Horse ne,” said Purdue in defense.
When they finally found an empty carriage for themselves (they ordered a first year named Neville Longbottom out of it so it became empty), Malcolm, looking out to the window, noticed the red-haired Weasley family.
“Oyng! Kinulangut ne ing anak na!” chuckled Malcolm, as he saw Mrs. Weasley rub the youngest boy’s nose.
“Antayu? Sus, den palang kamag-anak ng Archie Andrews den eh, remarked Purdue.
“Nano? Bacit Archie Andrews?” asked Jace.
“Te retang keng Archie Comics, bugok!” cracked Purdue.
“Ha? Err, ali cu manalbeng MYX…”
“Loko Jays, kaklak mo. Scary..” said Malcolm. He and Purdue always intentionally mispronounces Jace’s name
“’Comics’! Itang chickboy na red buwak,” explained an irritated Purdue.
“Iiiih, sorri naman, ecu casi balu,” said Jace, as he buried his head down his criss-crossed arms.
Suddenly, their compartment door swung open, and a cheeky boy with a wavy air walked through it.
“Bongers! Dana, boy! Komusta!” said Malcolm as he gave Herbert Reuben De Studdard a high five.
“Sasanting tamung animal ah,” added Jace.
“Errm, ta-lagah maka-nini,” bragged Bongers.
“Puta ka Bong, e naka mebyasa mag-Kapampangan! Diba pekapanabilin mi keka mag-practice ka keng bakasyon?” yelled Purdue. “Damo, nanu gewa yu nitang maid yu!”
Herbert Reuben De Studdard is another fourth year student of Hogwarts. He is not Kapampangan unlike the other thee (he hails from Scotland) but is able to comprehend a little of the language since he was raised by a Kapampangan maid. He has grown fond of his nanny because his parents are too pre-occupied with their respective works (his dad has a shop in Knockturn Alley and his mom is a writer at the Daily Prophet). He usually still has difficulty expressing himself in Kapampangan although he does have mastered how to swear, taught none other than by the three hooligans, especially Purdue.
“Nakpu-ta, don’t slag off my nanny. Meni-garal yaku mu din naman ngan eh!” reasoned out Bong.
Despite being of different races, Bong started hanging out with Malcolm and his gang when he accidentally bumped into Jace in the Ravenclaw common room. Jace just arrived from the library with his columnar parchments when Bong came rushing towards the portrait hole. Already an hour late for an exam (Statics of Magical Bodies), Bong didn’t notice Jace walking through – BLAM!
“Cabira! Ot ena lauen ing dadalanan na!” whined Jace as he picked up his assignments, which he copied from a classmate named Diomedes Dydykins, “Manga-patacla ia iata.”
“Sorry dude, I can't help you pick up your things anymore”, said Bong as he walked out the hole, ”I’m not going to the bathroom, I’m late for an exam.”
At dinnertime at the Great Hall of the same day, Bong approached Jace at the Ravenclaw table to apologize for the bumping incident. Jace accepted the apology, but wondered why Bong understood what he commented in Kapampangan. And the rest, as they say, is history. They went on to give his nickname – taken from the name of a Filipino senator that has a great resemblance to Bong’s face, because the three Kapampangan natives had difficulty in pronouncing ‘Herbert’ – they always unintentionally skip the ‘h’.
“Dota tana! I missed playing over the summer,” said Bong.
“Haha! Wa sige! Nanu yan tsu keng bulsa mu?” asked Purdue, pointing at Bong’s pockets.
“I’m bringing some Filibuster Fireworks. There were still a few left from our trip to Hogsmeade last year,” said Bong, bringing out a handful.
They spent the next thirty minutes playing with the fireworks. One just hit the compartment door when it opened and the boy whom they bullied out of the room they were occupying is back, but this time he had a girl with him. She was already wearing her new Hogwarts robes.
“Has anyone seen a toad? Neville’s lost one,” she said. She had a bossy sort of voice, lots of bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth.
“Nang pakialam ku keng karag mu?” snapped Malcolm.
“I’m sorry?” asked the bewildered girl.
“Nope, we haven’t seen any toad hop by,” said Jace.
“Uhm, are those Filibuster Fireworks?” asked the girl, referring to the toy Bong was crutching in his hands, “I’ve read about those, you can buy them at a jokes’ store in Hogsmeade, right? You must be at least third years then, because lower years aren’t allowed to go there yet.”
The four blokes wore weird and sarcastic smiles.
“Anyway, we’ll look for the toad in the other compartments. Meanwhile, you had better wear your robes, we’ll be at Hogwarts any minute,” said the seem-to-know-it-all girl.
And she left, taking the toadless boy with her.
“Another nerdie first year I bet,” blurted Bong.
“Uapin! Ü”, added Jace, “Mag-biasa-biasa!”
They went on to finish up the remaining Filibuster Fireworks until a voice echoed through the train. “We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes’ time. Please leave your luggage on the train. It will be taken to the school separately.”
And so the four quickly pulled in their robes.
“Haay, another year at Hogwarts,” said Malcolm.
“Another year of magic,” added Bong.
“Another year of mischief,” smirked Purdue.
“Another iear of fun,” said Jace.
“Ah loko, matdas la kanyan kekatamu!” cackled Malcolm as the four of them gave each other high fives.
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